Jay Han’s Shiznit Blog

Warrghhh! What a monotonous roar. Sigh… well the title of this blog now sounds like as though I’m looking forward to the weekend, but apart from some matter… it could be just another weekend. This whole week has been plague with contamination on my health. Fuckin flu and sore throat just aint going away. Although I have already consumed so much of those fuckin drugs in the form of pills… and also the cough mixture. Seems like I’ve gone to a stage where the taste of these bloody medicine is like a 2nd nature to me. Damn!

Well, I can only hope that this weekend’s gonna be great. And hopefully something even greater, or least a better week after that.

Company’s kinda dull these days. My UK project based issue is still pending, thus making me and another 2 more pals very restless. Its kinda frustrating to know that we were "almost there" when we got the news that our fuckin working permits were not approved! I was like - WTF~! How could we: The LOTUS ENGINEERING, a British based company’s executives be in such a box?! To add insult to injury… its the bloody UK that we were supposed to head to. Not some freakin middle east country!! Well now we just gotta sit our ass off in this huge chairs in our cubicles and warm it the whole damn day. 8 hours a day, 42.5 hours a week. Take that bitch! Felt like I was being bitch slapped left and right.

News have it now that we might be sent to China. Why? Cuz we’re some yellow skin duddies.

I’ll just wait and see. The waiting game sucks.

And here’s what I am designing now. Try go figure what the hell is it.

Until then… I gotta go take some air… otherwise I’ll definitely blow up into pieces due to the pressure thats building up inside.

The title says for itself. I dont have mood to blod for today. So I’ll pass it on.

Weird. Silly. Crap.

Such a sucky weekend I had. Cought a cold on Saturday, and was practically in my bed for almost the whole darn morning until about 2pm when I decided to pull my lazy ass off it. Sore throat followed thru. Sucks.

Sunday: Did get any better since I was pratically browsing thru the new 6 James Bond flicks I just bought. Darn, 007 is so cool with all his pick up line. Anyway, only slept around 5am. So, making things worse… cough cought up. Somehow I did wonder why am I fucking myself up so badly. But hey, I did enjoy the Bond movies. Hahah…

I was practically fucked up on Monday morning. Woke up around 7am as usual so I can get ready for office and, it was hell… head spinning, cough cough non stop, and those bloody mucus just keep on flowing out. Gave my buddy a holla and informed that I will be on MC. So got my ass off to see a doc around 3pm. Stomach empty. Shot straight to SS15 Subang to meet up with my buddy Jules and had some makan before popping those ugly looking pills. Got intro into the world of DOTA by Jules. Here goes again… cyber cafe life with internet gaming… Man… it revives the feeling of those Uni days when I spend so much time in cyber cafes fragging people down in Counter Strike.

And as of today… Tuesday. Everything seems well now. Taken a few times of the medicine. Just some slight cough and nasal blockage remaining. But I guess its normal since I do have a chronic sinus problem. Hahah…

Until then… just hoping that this week is gonna be just ok… dont want anything drastic or bombastic to happen. For now, I’ll just indulge myself into more info on DOTA. Also uploaded my cards on ebay to sell ‘em off.

Happens to be my current favourite song. Well, I came across this song in one of those MP3’s that Ezwan burned for me…(Thanks Wan), while blasting it out in my new installed 4" mid range speakers. Find that its one hell of a catchy song… heheh. Will be playing it over and over until i can sing the whole song by heart!!

BLESSED UNION OF SOULS:

STANDING AT THE EDGE OF THE EARTH

I knew that this moment would come in time
That I’d have to let go and watch you fly
I know you’re coming back so why am I dying inside
Are you searching for words that you can’t find
Trying to hide your emotions but eyes don’t lie
Guess there’s no easy way to say goodbye

So I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that someday you’ll come back again
I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth hoping for someday

Don’t misunderstand what I’m trying to say
I don’t want to let you leave this way
I want you to know that I stand right by your side

And I know this may be
The very last time that we see each other cry
But whatever happens know that I’ll…

I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that one day you’ll come back again
I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth hoping that someday
You’ll come back to me
I’ll be praying for whatever it’s worth
Believing that one day you’ll come back to me
I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping for someday

And I know this may be
The very last time that we see each other cry
But whatever happens know that I’ll…

I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping that one day you’ll come back again
I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth hoping that someday
You’ll come back to me
I’ll be praying for whatever it’s worth
Believing that one day you’ll come back to me
I’ll be standing at the edge of the earth
Hoping for someday

Waiting for someday Believing in someday Praying for someday, I’ll be…
Longing for someday Clinging to someday Cherishing someday, I’ll be…
Thinking of someday Dreaming of someday Wishing for someday, I’ll be…
Living for someday Counting on someday Knowing that one day…

I will see you…

No - not me! Its not me who’s gonna wait at the end of the aisle…hahaha. Well, its just that so many friends are getting in the queue for the vows. Just got my invites to attend Su May’s wedding in January. Then there’s Hong Peng’s somehwere next month. Some dudes in my company also calling it.

I guess its the time frame of my lifecycle that I start to see one by one of my friends getting married. Hahah… soon they’d be talking about kids. Kinda reminisce the good old days back in Sultan Abdul Hamid College. How me and my buddies used to dive into the muddy fields and kick ass in soccer; bullies; Kolam Pak Hassan adventures; shooting hoops until get all that sunburn… Time really pass like no one’s business.

Even my brother’s pimpin’ big time now. Gives me a smile on my face to see that he’s happy with his life. Well, I guess sometimes its good to lead a simple carefree life and be a real average Joe; instead of trying to be, or achieve a dream of becoming a millionaire Joe. Circumstances and choices in life… they come briefly and hit you hard. The more i think about it, about this C&C, the more headache and pressured I get - but I kinda like the feel of it. Makes me feel like I am actually moving forward mentally. But such ways are starting to make my hair turn grey and I’m experiencing hair falls. Ouch.

So…maybe I’ll just one day take the dive and prefer the real average carefree Joe’s kinda life. After all, like what my bro said… life’s short - let’s play hard!

Again - its not me who’s waiting at the end of the aisle.

Things do come revealing to life from time to time. Today it felt like I am standing on the edge of the world. Trying to balance back and forth, between choices in life. Its so confusing at times that it made me weave over the edge, knowingly that the only way is down. Way down…

Should I maintain be an engineer I am today and develop this career path? Or should I venture to the United States and be in a totally different line? Whats holding me back? Nothing much actually. This is just another one of those classic one-time-choice that people need to make - knowing that either one would land in very positive bright future or total anarchy. Might be a little exagerrating to use anarchy. But, what the heck

So… I’m still on this edge. And I know for sure no one could and will suggest anything on this to me.

Guess I’ll be holding on to this edge for a little longer until I have a clear mind.

Until then… Gotta try fix my PC which just sustained a seizure and refused to start up ever since 2 days ago. Sigh… so many stuff inside that I cant access.

I have given a real deep thought on the question "Who Am I Today?"… and I have yet to find that sound answer that I can be satisfied with. I mean I do know my name and identity… but what I’m searchin’ for is more deeper than just names and how I appear to people physically. I’ve scavage deep inside and try to find out more about myself. My achievements. My goals. My darker side. My angelic side. And also what have I become as a human today.

Yet I have found no answers to these yet. Rough scatches of it - yes. But no solid ones. I’ll keep on finding these answers… no matter what it takes.

For now.. its just yet another boring day in office. Helped out in an interview just now, and found out that the test item I have prepared was kinda difficult for the candidates to complete within 10 minutes (which is the time it took for me to get it done with). I think next time, I’d have to bear in mind that my BASIC level is not others since what I am doing 8 hours a day… others do it in a few weeks or months

Cheers.

Been like a walking zombie for the past 2 days. Weekend seems kinda boring. Cant even focus on my games… basically just blasted everything and lost all my games in the trournament. What happened to me? God knows… but i’m in a state of confusion, dillemma and agony.

Come to think about it… Why the hell am I here in this cybercafe in Subang Jaya? So many kids playing DOTA and other online games… and me? Updating my blog here! Geez! Just great…

Gotta stop now since i have tonnes of clothes to wash.

Go back home Jay…

Got my hair cut yesterday evening at a saloon in SS15. Not bad… kinda like the restyling the hairdstylist did for me. Might just go back and patronage that outlet again when my hair needs trimming.

Also just found out this place to eat in SS15 itself. Menu’s allright I’d say, with food choices ranging from rice based to noodles. Its more like a cafe than a restaurant. What really attracts me is the ambience… kinda remind me of having "makan time" along Melaka sidewalks. Cant recall the name of the shop though.

I got the bad news of my working permit to UK being rejected by the British Immigration Department. So its kinda sad… but heck, its not the end of the world…After all, my boss did tell me that Lotus UK’s side will try get it back on the issue as soon as possible cuz’ we need to go there and get into the project ASAP.

Curently thinking about the so many things I wanna do, or should I say… the things I am interested in doing. I would love to take diving course and get a liscence. Then I would also wanna get myself a good digital camera and become a shutterbug. And then on the other hand…I would also wanna get my bod back in shape. So many things… maybe I should start focusing in 1 - and only 1 thing, instead of so many others.

Was kinda friggin tired that I didnt bother to yap here in my blog for the past 24 hours or so. Anyway, my cousin, Jerry was around KL 2 nights ago.  The same night when my dad flew to States. Anyway, had dinner with him and Selina’s (his wife) cousin plus her kid, See Siang (I dont really know how to spell his name). Dinner was at The Curve, Mutiara Damansara.

Went to this place called the Indigo Bar which is kind of a cool place to hang out. Ambience was nice… food’s kinda ala fine dining. Indigo do serve wine and liqor, but we opted for juices. Just in case, this bar is on the first floor, opposite The Curve’s Starbucks.

The food was more like a fusion of mediterainean and local taste. With menu range of tapas, pastas with kut teh, and more heavier mains such as salmon grill and steaks. Did manage to try out the green chilli pasta with prawns and also an apple bolognese tapas, plus a crab meat pasta linguine. The food was overall good, with nice presentation as well as taste. Though some of the food may a bit odd (some liver tapas :P). Price was a little steep, but its one of those high end restaurant where its owner cum chef, Mr. TJ actually came about and chat with us. Had a great time there… practically was a relaxing evening dinner cuz we took like almost 3 hours to just sit there and chat. Hmm… come to think of it, I have yet to meet Jerry’s wife and now they already have a kiddo.

I’m about to plunge to commit myself in buying this little techie here. The SONY cybershot H1. 12x Zoom at 5 megapixels and full manual control. Should be fun. But I have yet to determine if I really do want it or not. Chances are, if I were to be on that plane to UK… I’ll definitely get this camera.

Until then… its been a boring day at office.